Finding Sanctuary:
A Practice

A four-step practice for moving from striving to peace.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Psalm 46:10

In one of the most intense seasons of my life, Rachel and I were weeks away from the birth of our fifth child, watching ministry grow faster than we'd planned, and facing a house move with no suitable property and not enough in the bank to make it happen. I had every reason to start each day from a place of striving and anxiety.

Instead, I was starting it here — a simple five-minute check-in before reaching for my phone. Not a fix. Just a return.

I want to share this practice with you because it works whether life is full or quiet. It's not about managing your day better. It's about being before doing — returning to yourself and to God before the demands begin.

How to Use this Page

This is a practice, not an article. Read through it once, then come back to whichever step you need. It's designed to be returned to.

Step 1: Recognise Your Pattern
Step 2: Your Daily Practice
Step 3: Sacred Seeing
Step 4: Track Your Journey

Step 1: Recognise Your Stress Pattern

(3 minutes)

Before we can find peace, we have to notice what is stealing it.

  • Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Scan your internal world for a moment.

    What is creating noise or distress in your soul right now?

    Sit with what you notice without trying to fix or put it away.

  • Most of us default to one of these four patterns when we feel stress.

    Which one resonates most with you?

    • The Striver: "If I just get the next thing done, THEN I'll have peace."

      You are constantly running toward a finish line that keeps moving.

      Constant doing → Never arriving → Confirms the belief that peace is always ahead.

    • The Controller: "I need to make things happen my way."

      You feel you must hold everything together, which only increases anxiety.

      Operating independently from God → Increased anxiety → Reinforces the need for control.

    • The Pleaser: "I must help everyone to be valuable."

      You overextend yourself to earn love until you burn out.

      Overextending in life and relationships → Burnout → Validates the fear of not being enough.

    • The Avoider: "I'll find peace by checking out."

      You numb the stress — scrolling, withdrawing — but the emptiness remains.

      Numbing with busyness or distraction → Deeper emptiness → Seeks more escape.

  • This pattern developed to help you get through difficult times. Meet it with compassion, not judgement.

Step 2: Your Daily Practice

(5–10 minutes)

Sanctuary isn't found in doing more — it's discovered in being present.

Choose one of these practices and commit to it for seven days.

Consistency matters more than duration. Choose the practice that feels most sustainable for your rhythm.

☀️ Morning Secure Base Check-in

5 minutes · Upon waking, before checking your phone

Begin your day anchored in who you are, not what you need to accomplish.

  1. Ask — “Where am I seeking my security today?"

  2. Shift — Consciously place your identity in God's love, not your productivity.

  3. Breathe — Receive this truth:
    "I am loved, therefore I am."

  4. Anchor — Let this settle before your day begins.

🕊️ Midday Sanctuary Pause

10 minutes · At your typical stress peak

Set a phone reminder. When it goes off, step away from your tasks completely.

  1. Stop — Step away from everything

  2. Pray — Contemplative prayer, lectio divina, or simple silence

  3. Receive — Let your body experience: "It's safe to stop."

  4. Notice — How does pausing change the next hour?

🌙 Evening Examen

10 minutes · Before bed

Review your day not through the lens of productivity, but of presence.

  1. Review — Where did you experience God's peace today? Where did you resist it?

  2. Thank — Give thanks for moments of sanctuary

  3. Release — Let go of today's incompleteness

  4. Rest — "I release today's incompleteness into Your completeness."

Step 3: Sacred Seeing

As Abbot Christopher Jamison writes in his book Finding Sanctuary, sanctuary begins with recognising the sacred in daily life.

This week, practise one of these sacred seeing exercises.

👁️ The Presence Practice

Before each interaction

Before you speak with someone, pause for two seconds.

Silently acknowledge:
"This person bears God's image."

Notice how that single thought shifts something in you — and let your centred presence become a gift to them.

🔄 The Interruption Reframe

When plans change

When you are interrupted — by a person, a call, an unexpected need — instead of irritation, ask:

"How is God visiting me right now?"

Notice: interruptions often reveal exactly where we are seeking false refuge.

🙏 The Gratitude Glimpse

Three times daily

Set three reminders on your phone.

When each one goes off, stop and notice one sacred moment — a kind word, sunlight, someone's smile, a task completed.

Breathe deeply. Thank God for this glimpse of His presence.

Step 4: Track Your Journey

(7 days)

You are not aiming for perfection. Even a small shift toward peace is worth celebrating. Keep a simple log this week — in a journal, a notes app, or just mentally.

Your nervous system is learning that peace is possible. Small shifts matter.

Each day, pause morning and evening and notice:

  • Morning — Where am I on this scale right now?

  • Evening — Where am I now compared to this morning?

  • Reflection — What helped me move toward sanctuary today?

Bar graph depicting feeling high distress and deep peace.
Bar graph depicting feeling high distress and deep peace.

Reflection Questions

Take time at the end of the week (or right now) to sit with one of these:

  1. What would change if you operated from sanctuary rather than striving?

  2. How would your relationships and life transform if you led from peace rather than anxiety?

  3. What becomes possible when you're anchored in God's presence rather than your performance?

“The invitation isn’t to escape life’s demands but to meet them from a different place — the sacred space within where God’s Spirit dwells. From this sanctuary, you become a refuge for others.”
— Dr. Todd Hall
Close-up of a smiling man with dark hair, wearing a casual gray T-shirt, standing against a plain light background.

Thomas Kirven

GROWTH COMPANION

I'm Thomas Kirven. I live in Oxford with my wife Rachel and four of our five children. I am the founder and director of Grow for Good — a mentoring initiative for young adults navigating questions of meaning, identity, and belonging.

I'm trained in Relational Spirituality Coaching, a model that draws on attachment research, neuroscience, and spiritual formation. My faith is central to who I am and how I work — and I hold that openly, without needing it to be yours.

I work with a small number of people at a time. If you're wondering whether this is for you, the best next step is just a conversation.

If you gave this practice a try, I'd love to hear how it landed — even a line or two. Message me on WhatsApp or send an email.

Adapted from Relational Spirituality Academy™ based on monastic wisdom and attachment science for Grow for Good by Thomas Kirven.