COACHING FOR YOUNG ADULTS · OXFORD
Something keeps
getting in the way.
Six conversations, one steady relationship, and change that lasts.
On paper, it’s working. The work, the friends, the things you’ve said yes to. And still, you feel further from God and the people around you than a year ago. There’s a gap between who you are and who you sense you could be.
When pressure comes, some of us go quiet and carry it alone, because someone has to be strong. Others hold on tighter, and feel people drift away. Most of us have tried to change: read the book, made a plan, prayed more. It worked, for a while.
We can know something in our heads long before we know it in our bones. We can know we’re loved and still not feel it. Trying harder, chasing the good feeling all reach for control. Lasting change comes through connection, in a relationship steady enough to let you be known, and honest enough to all you forward.
That’s where this work begins.
A structured process built around your story.
Relational Spirituality Coaching centres on one question: what would it look like for you to flourish?
We start with what brought you here, then turn quickly to your vision: who you’re called to become. From there, we work backwards into the patterns that shape how you move through life: how you connect with others, how you experience yourself, and how you relate to God.
By the end, you’ll have language for what’s been happening beneath the surface, practical tools to start doing something about it, and a plan shaped by your own story.
Six sessions. One arc.
Each conversation builds on the last, from vision to pattern to practice to plan.
SESSION 1
Your Story
We begin with your vision: who you want to become, what flourishing actually looks like for you. This sets the direction for everything that follows.
SESSION 2
Your Relationship with God
Not how it should be — how it actually is. We explore what's alive, what feels distant, and what patterns from the rest of your life might be showing up here.
SESSION 3
Secure Base
What it means to have — and be — a relationship where someone can grow. We look at how you’re wired relationally and what that makes easy and hard.
SESSION 4
The Patterns Underneath
The emotions and coping strategies that activate under pressure. We name them, trace where they came from, and begin to find language for what's actually happening.
SESSION 5
Rewiring
Practical work. Concrete tools for interrupting old patterns in real time — not willpower, but strategies matched to how you are wired.
SESSION 6
Growth Planning
Before this session, you'll complete a short validated assessment. We debrief it together and build a focused, personalised plan for what comes next.
Anyone who senses there's more.
This process is for people who feel a gap between who they are and who they want to be — in their relationships, their inner life, their sense of purpose.
It tends to resonate most with people who feel like they keep hitting the same wall without understanding why, who want to grow but aren't sure what's actually blocking them, or who have had seasons of real change before but can't sustain it.
You don't need a particular faith background to begin.
That said, I want to be honest: I work from a Christian understanding of God, relationships, and what it means to be human — and I hold that openly. You don't need to share that background to start. But I won't pretend it's not part of how I work. As the sessions progress, questions about God and spiritual experience will naturally come up.
My hope is that, whatever your starting point, those are worth exploring together. If you're curious about that, we can talk it through before you commit to anything.
What to Expect
💬
Six sessions
Around 90 minutes each
🌱
Every 1-2 Weeks
Enough space to sit with what comes up between sessions
🔍
One assessment
A short online tool (~10 min) before the final session
🗓
2-3 Months
Start to finish, with a personal practice between each session
This isn't therapy, and it's not a course. It's a relationship with a purpose. I show up as a growth companion — someone you can think and grow with — and the quality of that relationship is part of how the work happens.
Thomas Kirven
GROWTH COMPANION · GROW FOR GOOD · OXFORD
I'm Thomas Kirven. I live in Oxford with my wife Rachel and four of our five children. I work with Grow for Good — a mentoring initiative for young adults navigating questions of meaning, identity, and belonging.
I'm trained in Relational Spirituality Coaching, a model that draws on attachment research, neuroscience, and spiritual formation. My faith is central to who I am and how I work — and I hold that openly, without needing it to be yours.
I work with a small number of people at a time. If you're wondering whether this is for you, the best next step is just a conversation.
Ready to find out more?
Fill in the form and I'll be in touch within a couple of days. No pressure, no commitment — just a conversation.